I'M GETTING A BABY FRIEND

Last August, my parents got married. I nearly stole the show as their dog-of-honor, 

but that’s neither here nor there because this Spring, we found out we’re having a baby. Of the human variety.  Babies are the end of a dog’s pampered existence miracles, amiright?!

Now, I am decidedly on the fence about this. On the one hand, babies can always be counted on to have some sort of sticky mess on their faces that makes them taste like lollipops. But I have a sinking feeling this is where the advantages end.

What will become of the sublime joy I take in making a racket so incredibly loud that even our most distant neighbors can appreciate it? (Yes, appreciate. My barking sounds like the sweet soul stylings of Aretha Franklin. Oh you doubt me? Dogs have better hearing than people-look it up.)

Where will I sit in the car now? 

{Currently I like to sit here}

{And here...if I must}

Does the baby have to go everywhere we go? Because I'm not ashamed to say, I like to be RIGHT up front and center whenever we take trips:

And all those stuffies! There are so many! And they look and taste suspiciously like MY stuffies. Will I have to sit in the corner if I accidentallyonpurpose eat one? 

Luckily my mom had the forethought to order our baby this little getup 

so the baby will know right away who’s boss. Me.